My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Randomize
