Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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