im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
