I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
