it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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