I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
