Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You're so nebulous sometimes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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