My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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