You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
