You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
