yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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