I feel like I'm in dance class right now
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
