I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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