I CAN MOONWALK!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
