i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my poor anus
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize