i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
