Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
