I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
