i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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