Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
