Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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