just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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