Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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