She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
