So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
