last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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