I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
