What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
