i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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