i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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