Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
