ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
