Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
