just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize