I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
