I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
