That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
