I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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