she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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