youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize