ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
