I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we're making bets on your personal life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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