I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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