Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
