Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
