I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
