You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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