Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize