I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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