You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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