i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
