This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
