Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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