I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
