Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it hurts more in the daytime
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
