You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
