My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
