drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
