I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
farters have to be the big spoon...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have surprise drugs for everyone
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
