After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
