I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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