I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
