If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
