I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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