I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is wine microwaveable?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize