just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
