It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
