His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
