it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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