People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
