i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
