he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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