I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
