I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she told me i tasted like america
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
