I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize