Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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