well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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