No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
