Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
