shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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