i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
