you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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