Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
