I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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