yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
