The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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