I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
