you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
