peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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