I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize