Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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