remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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