i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
