this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
