Duck Duck Cougar?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
