How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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