Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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