Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
