As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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